My friend Angie dresses her dogs, Gracie and Lucy, in dresses when she wants them to behave. I'm not sure this works or not--the dogs weren't bad, but she credits the dresses. I just think they look hysterical in those goofy dresses. I dunno, I can't imagine dressing Hobbes in a dress to get him to stop tearing up the toilet paper roll for fun.Gees, I hate the holiday madness that these days have become. Criminy, it's the beginning of December and I'm feeling behind already. Apparently it isn't just me, as I've noticed that a lot of other folks are rushing here and there trying to get things done. Let's go back to Thanksgiving where nobody runs around like fools--I like that much better.
My hellish daily commute has gotten worse with Christmas approaching--if that is possible. I drive one of the busiest North/South streets in the city of Chicago and it is 6 lanes of driving hell every single day. Add in the fact that Cicero Avenue is lined with strip malls, fast food restaurants, buses, Gangsta Mall (not to be confused with Ethnic Mall), and crowded with people who cannot drive. And, oh, did I mention that I have to drive by the airport and under low-flying airplanes that scare the crap out of me? Yeah. It's a dream to drive to and from work each day.
On a typical day, Cicero Avenue is chock full of clunkers that never got turned in for that government program. We've got homeless folks waving "Feed me" signs and old men driving their gals to McDonald's for breakfast--except they can't remember where the entrance is. There is constant construction, buses and taxis that zip around the airport, and folks driving really slow and talking on their phones--a LOT.
There are women applying their make-up in the car because that is just ideal for a good look and car loads of tie-wearing high school boys driving like idiots to get to the Catholic school nearby. There are busy people dodging those that slow down to pull into the Starbucks for Joe and those who are talking on their cell phones to god-knows-who at 7:30 a.m. It's a freak-fest each day, and although most days I can maintain my sanity and my serenity as I careen in and out around the pokey drivers, I've been kinda at my wit's end since Monday. And it's only just begun.
The holiday shoppers and rushers have added a whole new element to this traffic nightmare. Of course there has to be a Walmart in the mix, with beat up old mini-vans pulling out of the parking lot crossing 6 lanes of traffic to get to the Best Buy. There are old dudes/women who are sucking on a cig like it's their last one before they die--enjoying every last ounce of acrid smoke while driving a top speed of 23 mph in a 35. What is the deal with smokers and the gas pedal anyway?
I'm trying to remain calm and breathe deep and all that, but it is trying. My typical 30 minute drive down Hell Road has turned into 45 minutes of Hell Road Squared--there are folks out there driving that shouldn't be allowed out of the nursing home, more or less driving. I swear I'm gonna wear my horn out, or my patience, by December 18.
So, I'm thinking that in all of this, everyone should be given dog dresses to wear. I'm finding that the only way to deal with this commute and the madness that continues inside the stores, is to mentally wear my dog dress. And I'm thinking what a better place the world would be if we all did the same.
I find myself mentally preparing for the crowds, the funky drivers, the slow-poke grannies, and the zippy monster-trucks as I leave each day. I turn on some nice music and tap my inner zen, hoping I just make it to work and home in one piece.
I let the old lady cut in front of me at the Walmart without saying anything and smile at the mom who's kid is losing it in Aisle 7. It is the mental dog dress of being able to let it all roll without getting crabby or taking it out on a cashier who is just as fried as I.
So, let us all wear dog dresses this holiday season. May we remember to keep cool and not get fried by the pressure of the have-tos and the expectations of the media to spend, and spend a lot. May we get through what needs to be done and take the time to actually enjoy the holiday a bit.
And look snappy while we are at it.
28 comments:
A slow poke granny here. Ok not as bad as those but still-
My job is on Touhy not far from O'Hare. We've had a van on our front lawn, a car on the lawn next door, a kid hit by a motorcycle at the corner. And of course grandpa barrelling in that one day in the back. Crossing Touhy is a nightmare.
What about the red-light cameras? They have added spice to all the traffic.
可爱！
Hehe, I was just pulling your leg. You know I can't even read or write Chinese. I used google translator and it should mean 'cute'.
What an excellent idea! I think I will wear a pink dog dress today. There will be a couple of people wondering today why I am laughing to myself, but it's all good now.
Glad I discovered your blog ... through Ann. Loved reading your 'mis'adventures! I'll be back!
We all say "Oh, I just love the holidays, mu favorite time of the year!" And it's partly true. There are bits of it that I just love. Then there is the rest of the nightmare!!! The stress the running the MONEY! For at least 2 weeks before christmas I wake up with my mouth hurting because I am gritting my teeth all night long. Why do we do this to ourselves?
I want a polka dot dog dress.
Hallelujah! I agree...I hate stressing on the holidays. Your commute does sound a little crazy tho!
Helene--Oh, pally, I think you know the feeling well. Ugh. I think the traffic up north definitely trumps the southern suburbs. And yes, I think I go through 6 red light cameras on my way to work. I love folks who slam on their brakes to avoid the ticket. I heard they actually cause more accidents than prevent them and the state is messing with the stats on that. Here's my driving tip: ALWAYS aim to drive 5 MPH over the limit. It prevents "Granny driving".
Veronica--You are SO naughty!!! LOL!! I work with a Chinese translator at work, so I'm gonna ask her to make me a button in Chinese that reads "No Chinese Spam allowed here!" Wouldn't that be great???! Then I can pass it on to all of you and we'll start a new cool blog fad.
Merry--OOhh, I LOVE your dress, Merry! I'm going with stripes. Vertical, of course, so I look thinner. :)
Vickie--Hi, new pally! Don't worry, we don't make the new pallies wear a dog dress just yet. :)
Buggys--Oh, you DO look lovely in that polka dot dog dress! I wish I had a lot of money to just hire someone to put all the crap up and take it down, plus buy all my presents and mail the cards. Wouldn't that be nice? Or perhaps I'll just go with my new plan: my sole decorations are the decorative Kleenex boxes for each holiday season. Problem solved.
Well Bud, If you're looking for sympathy you've got it. Sounds pretty scary to me.
As recently as early spring, Sylvia and I met three vehicles on our road -- all in the same mile. We turned to one another and said in unison, "Too much traffic. We've gotta move."
Count me out on the doggy dresses with the striped skirts. Just not my style. I'm comfy here in sandals and sweats.
Hey, a truck just drove by. The first one all morning. :-)
Brilliant! Only I was thinking I would imagine everyone ELSE wearing dog dresses so that I could imagine them being cute, helpless little puppies rather than jerky drivers that make me want to run over them!
Hi there!
As I sit at my computer, and watch the very empty road out my window, I am again reminded why I love to live in Small-Town. Our entire downtown is a whole 4 blocks, with only 2 of them getting foot traffic. We have no Golden Arches (already ran them out of town), no Wags, no CVS, no nothing (according to my teens), but the something that we do have is peace and quiet.
For the most part.
Until the red-neck neighbors decide that they want to get their motorcycle going, so they pull it with their SUV, around and around and around the block. You have to be here to see it. It is hilarious!
I choose stripes for my dress, btw. It would look very fetching when I go into the local grocery store! :)
Oh, you did have me wondering how you were going to extricate yourself from that traffic mess and make the tie-in to the doggie dresses. Well done.
My, I am so glad I don't have to share your drive time. But thanks for cluing us in.
Amen. Grab your dog dress, chill out, relax and enjoy the holiday season!
I'll try a doggy diaper since I'm one of those slow poke grannies, that's why Bill does all the driving :).
OK... I'm waiting to see you model your dog dress! Oh how I hate Chicago driving. What memories you inspire. What do you do, anyway, that you have to drive to?
Anastasia calls me a Granny Driver because I 'mostly' obey the speed limit. Can I help it that when I do that I notice where the po po have set up speed traps?
I'm thinking vertical stripes. They're slimming. No?
Linny!
You got such great pictures of my puppies :)
They are so cute even if they pee on the floor when Colin doesn't throw their toys fast enough!!! LOL :)
Love you and miss you lots!!!
Hmmm, don't give the publicist ideas. The last think I need is a goat dress!
I am sorry your commute sucks. The publicist used to listen to classical music on her commute. She found it calmed her down from all the crazy traffic and crazy people.
My commute is horrible too!! LOL! The trek from the bed to the computer is tough when the dogs are tripping me up!!
Maybe you should get some dresses for Hobbes and Grace!! Wouldn't that be a picture?
You have such a way with words. What a great idea. I really need to put on a dog dress because I was just telling someone at work today that I believe that I am a prime candidate for road rage :)
Hot Rocks--Do ya got your dog dress on??
Chuck--LOVE your traffic! What??! No dog dress?? How about a dog kerchief around your neck??
dkatzazz--Welcome, new pally! I like your thinking on the dresses!
A. Marie--I think the neighbors would drive me crazy! And I like your style--I too, chose the stripes. Vertical of course.
Split Rock--Oh yeah! And you look fine in your dog dress, I might add. :)
Jude--I LOVE Bill! I think a flowery dog dress would suit you fine.
Vanilla--You like the connection? ;) I'm glad I didn't lose you on that one! And it isn't the time it takes, but the crazy drivers that gets me. Ugh.
I have a wonderful compliment for your dog dress...and I am sure Uli wouldn't mind you borrowing her Sherlock Holmes like doggie trench coat. You may need it to keep warm--in the cold Chicago temps.
Keep on smiling as you drive to work :-) When you are inside all safe and warm in the office think of me, outside in the cold on recess duty.
Hah! Dog dresses for everyone! I love it.
Can we all match, too?
Sharky--It's an INNER dog dress, Sharky! And it is very colorful with stripes. :) I work part-time writing a corporate newsletter and doing miscellaneous audits and reports for Human Resources. It's only a few days a week that I drive there, but sheesh, the traffic kills me.
Lola--I've been saying vertical stripes all day! Horizontal-NO. Vertical is the slimming way to go. And, uh, go at least 5 mph over the limit, Lola. They aren't gonna bust you for 5 over, pally.
Abby--Shhhhh. I didn't tell anybody about the peeing part! :) I'll send you a disk of the photos next week.
Pricilla--I like the goat dress idea! I listen to talk radio a lot--it helps to hear some friendly voices to make the drive faster.
Jo--LOL! I actually worked in my jammies at home today. But I kinda missed my office pally, Irene. And no, I don't think you're gonna get Grace into a dress without losing an eye!
Ann--Okay, get that flowery pink one out and slip it on! I guess it's just a good reminder to be patient and stay calm--tough thing to do with all the madness around us, eh?! Good luck!
Jodi--Ugh, you got my on recess duty. Well, that and lunch room duty! That has got to be the worst in winter with all those kids having cabin fever. I may have to take you up on the coat. Does she have booties too?
Cute--We could match, but it might be more fun to see what everyone else comes up with. Lucy and Gracie had Christmas dresses--I'm going for something colorful and stripey. :)
LOL at the matching dog dresses. They are adorable, though. I almost bought this cute little daisy dress for the Grumpy Princess yesterday, but my DH said I was nuts. (I just thought it would make a funny photo LOL)
I'm almost convinced to do a bunch of shopping this weekend and stay home until after the holidays are done. It's scary out there!
To tell you the truth--personally, I'd try to take a bus if I were you. I sort of know that street, over by Midway--and I just can't imagine doing it the way you describe it on a regular basis...so more power to you, Lin...and do be defensive with your driving, please!
The dogs look like they like their dresses just fine. When I was a kid I tried that on my dogs and they didn't seem to take to it quite so well. Maybe it was because we put them in shirts and then shoved them both out the door.
I don't know why but I always loved driving that Chicago traffic mess. I just zoned out and chilled because it took so long. I guess I was wearing a doggy dress and didn't realize it!
Storm--Don't do it! Don't make your poor dog wear a dress! I get the sweater thing on those little dogs without a load of fur, but your corgi just wouldn't be happy. I'm nowhere near done with shopping. Ugh.
Will Oaks--Yep. That's the place. I work right at Archer and Cicero, so I go right under the pedway of Midway. But no bus for me--the only people scarier than the drivers are the bus riders!
Ratty--Dogs are weird nowadays. They don't like to go outside and they like little dresses and sweaters. The dog we had as a kid wouldn't see to any of that! He sat outside all day and liked it. He would dig up my mom's flower bed and make himself a bed! Dogs are sissies now, aren't they?!
Violet--Wow, an inner doggie dress back then? I am impressed. There are actual days in the summer when I don't even think about the commute, but going past the stores with the holiday shoppers is just crazy!! But then again, anywhere you drive with holiday shoppers is a challenge!
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