Thursday, May 10, 2012
I give up
I love when you call the utilities, it's like the Inquisition just to get to the meat of the conversation. And while I'm on the account, they rarely want to talk to the "missus", so I end up lying and saying "Joseph" when they ask my name. It wears me down and so I just naturally do that now. Joe isn't home during the day to handle such stuff, and what difference is it to them WHO fixes the internet connection?? I'm not stealing top secret government secrets here, pal. I'm just trying to fix the damn computer.
And while my own utility companies treat me like a stranger--or worse--I've noticed lately that store clerks and cashiers are my "close" friends these days.What is with the weird-ass questions they are asking these days to give the impression of faux friendly?
Case in point...
I'm at the Target (notice the "the" before Target--I do that now. Which means I'm old--or so my family says. But I digress..) and I was buying 20 cans of salmon flavored cat food, a small pink gift bag, and some orange tissue paper. The dame starts dragging those cans over the scanner slowly, (which gives her time to think of weird stuff to say, I think) and she says to me "Sooooo, are you going to a birthday party?"
Huh? With 20 cans of salmon-flavored cat food?
"Uh, no. Are you?" I answer her sort of sarcastically. I'm sorry, I didn't get the connection between all that cat food and a birthday party. Why would she ask such a weird question? And isn't that sort of personal?
"Well....I saw the gift bag...." and her voice trails, trying to lead me into explaining to her why I'm buying a gift bag--like it is any of her business.
I wasn't biting. I left her wondering...and me a little confused. And thinking that I hate whoever came up with this idea that I have to chat with the store workers when I shop.
My second stop on errand day was the grocery store to buy a couple of sunflowers for a friend. As I'm checking out, the cashier said to me "Do you have a credit card?"
I looked at him, looked at the total (which read $4.32), and looked at him again. "Uh, no. Do you?" And that freaks him out a bit and makes him cranky.
"Well, I was just being nice. I thought you might want to use a credit card to ring up some bonus points or something." And I was sorta squinting my eyes trying to make sense outta what he just said and I'm wondering if it is just me or something. What the hell? Why would I use a credit card for a $4 purchase? And what business is it to him? It wasn't like the store I was in had their own credit card--I know how they push that too these days. It was weird, I tell ya. Weird.
So, I hand him 4 singles and I proceed to dig into my purse for the change purse when he adds "It's 4.32. You only gave me 4 dollars." Okay...he's gonna die now. (This is when Joe usually starts backing away from me and the scene.)
"I'm getting the change for you. Believe me, I'm not stealing, bud. 'Cuz if I am going to jail, it ain't gonna be for stealing. It's gonna be for something BIG....you know, like murder or something." And I hand him his damn 32 cents, grab my bag and walk away.
Okay, can the people who I don't want to talk to me, please stop talking to me? And can those of you I want to talk to, please talk to me--without me having to use a really deep voice and saying the code word "Joseph" in order to do so?
Why is this world so bass-ackwards?